Are you a colossal dick?
Ask yourself the following question.
You come across a man sitting on the street. His head is shaven, his face is adorned with an expression of detached serenity. His robes suggest austerity and righteousness. His body is in a posture of equilibrium, suggesting balance. The flames surrounding him suggest he is on fire. The stench suggests he probably doused himself in petrol before setting himself alight.
What do you do?
A) Keeping your wits about you, do a quick visual scan for a container of non-adulterated liquid, and splash him with it until the flames are doused. Then attempt to get him to a hospital as quickly as possible.
B) Scream "OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT HE'S ON FIIIIIIIIIIIIRE! HALP!", and run around flapping your arms like a chicken about to be culled for carrying bird flu.
C) Stand still with your mouth agape. Keep stopping people to ask them "What's with THAT guy?"
D) Pull out a camera and click away.
E) Shoot him.
If you answered A), then you, sir, are definitely not a dick. Please report to the nearest recruiting office for the Salvation Army. We have much need of you.
If you answered B), then you're not so much a dick as an annoying twerp. Please stay indoors as much as possible.
If you answered C), then you are a dick. This is tempered by the fact that you're clearly an idiot, so its not so bad.
If you answered D), then you're a malicious dick. Please report to the nearest Indian news media office. There are some girls being molested we need you to film.
If you answered E), then you probably work for the Chinese government. You, sir, are a COLOSSAL DICK.
Thank you for taking this quiz. Please feel free to post this on Facebook, Twitter, Booger, or whatever you use to substitute for a real life.