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Monday, January 03, 2005

Rupu Gupta benefit match

This post is dedicated to my dear old friend Rupanwita a.k.a. Rupu/Rupesh/Roopster/Rupert, depending on just how pseud you really are. The reasons for this dedication are the following:

a) She just revealed to me that she's always thought I was gay, and my previous post did nothing to dispel that notion (apparently 10 vs 1 is a no-contest)
b) Back in the days of college, she would hold forth on Linda Goodman's views on Cancerians (she's one too) and their likes, dislikes, relationships, mood swings, appetites, hair loss and pretty much everything else.
c) She is my cosmic dual and I just love her too much.

Well, since I assumed earlier that I could blame all my problems on the relative positions of heavenly bodies when I was born, I decided to delve a little deeper into that theory.

Test 1. My physical appearance. (Source)

According to the experts, the following are the characteristics of Cancerian men.
a) Height ranges from short to medium.
b) Plump with a full chest and broad shoulders.
c) Short arms, small feet and plump, stubby fingers.
d) Round face with small chin and large mouth.
e) Light eyes.

Ahem, well. Those of you who have seen me will be rolling on the floor by now. For those who haven't - I'm 5'11'', weigh 63Kg, wear a size 38 shirt and size 10 shoes. Not sure of my glove size, but you get the general drift.

Clearly, the planets not up to the mark here.

The score for the planets: W-0, L-1

Test 2. Mental/Emotional/Fluff (Source)

So this is how I should behave, say the men who know.

1: Often times, your biggest problem in relationships is your moodiness.
2: You are very protective and nurturing, especially toward your family.
3: Whenever there is an emotional situation, you're usually the first to laugh or cry.
4: In love, you prefer to be the one doing the pursuing.
5: People don't have to tell you how they are feeling, because you usually already know.
6: If you aren't getting what you want, you might resort to crying or sulking to get your way.
7: When it comes to dating, you strongly prefer a night in over a night out.
8: You are easily hurt and a bit suspicious of strangers' motives.
9: You don't get jealous easily, only on occasion.
10: When you get in a fight with someone, it tends to get personal fast.
11: You'd like to have a family with lots of children.
12: You have a huge collection of keepsakes from your past.
13: You are good with your money - never wasting it.
14: You've been known to express yourself through creative writing or art.
15: A person's past is very interesting to you, good and bad parts included.

Well - lets take them one by one.

1: Well, I suppose I am moody - can't say how it affects my relationships. I'll be generous mark this one right.
2: Pretty much. So also right.
3: Hmmm... the old "choose your answer" trick. Definitely the first person to laugh, but I can't remember having cried in 7 - maybe 8 years. So this is a half-point.
4: Though the sample size is pretty small, I'll say yes.
5: Well, I think I know, but how would I know if I was right. Bad answer. No points.
6: OK, how old am I? Wrong, wrong, wrong!
7: Don't really date, but if I did, I think that would be true. 1 point.
8: Another half-and-half. Takes a LOT to hurt me, but I will agree that I'm suspicious as hell. Half-points again.
9: True enough.
10: Nope. No points.
11: Please! Two would be quite enough, thank you.
12: Could they BE further from the truth? I don't possess a single photgraph.
13: Very true - have often been accused of being stingy.
14: Only if this blog counts.
15: Bang on! They don't get snoopier than me, dawg.

OK - so the that's 8 out of a possible 15. Just over the halfway mark, so I'll say they pass.

The score: W-1, L-1

So, its tied but only just. Time to take it into the decider.

Test 3. Relationships (Source)

To begin with let me clarify that I use the word "relationship" in its broadest sense. So I'm including my interactions with ALL people I know from the postman to my mother, and see whether their signs predict how well we get along.

a) Aries, Libra - Severe clash of personalities. Expect ego battles between cardinal signs of different elements.
b) Scorpio, Pisces - Excellent relations. These are the other two water signs, and there should be great chemistry and understanding between you and them.
c) Capricorn - The complementary sign. Very amicable relationship between very different people, with a lot of learning on both sides.
d) Taurus, Virgo - Earth signs. Friendly relations, but no strong emotions.
e) Gemini, Leo - Will affect your life a great deal, but the relationship will not always be cordial.
f) Sagittarius, Aquarius - Not much likelihood of relationships developing.
g) Cancer - Natural kinship between people of the same sign.

Right that was the synopsis. Now considering all the people who have had any major impact in my life and checking their signs we find.

a) Notable Libran - my brother. Clashes - certainly. Though personally I just think its a sibling thing, I'll take that prediction as OK. Few notable Arians, so we'll skip that.
b) Uncannily true. An OVERWHELMING number of my friends fall under these two signs. Also I've found that people I tend to enjoy spending time with turn out to be Pisceans/Scorpions. So this is accurate also.
c) Again true - the friends not covered in the previous category are pretty much all Capricornians. Also includes some people who I really respect. So 3 out of 3.
d) Well, my mother is a Taurean, so we'll say yes there (I know I'm being generous). And also true that I've had very stable relationships with both Taureans and Virgoans. Hmm - these guys are picking up.
e) Notable Geminid - father. Affected me - obviously. People born under these signs do tend to be very interesting - not always in a good way, though. Once again I'll say yes.
f) Hmm - of my many, many friends, I can pick out less than 5 born under each of these signs. My goodness, these guys are on a roll.
g) Well - its a perfect score, I think.

So the final score reads: Planets - W-2, L-1

Post-match analysis.

Expert 1: This was a well-fought series. Though the planets pulled through in the end, they did get trounced in first game, and the second one could have gone either way. I think the team needs to sit down and have a long look at their strategy. Maybe a few changes in the team are called for, and there is definitely scope for improvement in some departments. All in all, I think they should consider themselves lucky.

Expert 2: Lets give credit where its due. They did pull thorugh in the crunch game, and once they got in their stride, they never looked like losing. And you must remember that the match was played on a sticky wicket. If they had a short, fat, whiny crybaby like they expected, I don't think anything could have stopped them.

Commentator: And there you have it - the end of our exciting coverage of the RGBM. Tune in next week for more crap. And now back to the studio.